August 2, 1948
Dear Inner Co-worker Family:
This letter may prove the very death-knell of this work -- frankly, I don't know whether I ought to send it -- but I know no other way. The entire cause to which God has called us, and in which you and I have labored together as co-workers, is stopped dead, and finished anyway, UNLESS this letter is productive of good, and not evil, results.
We can't carry on another week without some sizeable funds. I am at my wit's end. I know -- have learned by cruel experience, that to send out a letter taking you in my confidence and sounding only a frustrated note, usually done only harm to the work -- causes co-workers to lose confidence, withdraw support instead of helping. It seems that only when we can send out joyous good news, and sound a success note, will most co-workers respond. That is why I say this letter may sound only the death-knell of this great work of fifteen years' constant, steady, miraculous growth, with its trail of rich FRUIT BORNE -- thousands converted, hundreds of thousands brought to much greater light and truth, millions warned, and having HEARD the true Gospel as a witness, hundreds healed and brought to TRUST IN GOD who never had such faith before.
I just don't understand what has happened. I KNOW that God prepared me even long before He called me for His great work -- that He did call me -- that I gave myself to Him, and He has used me in a way that has astonished me and others -- that He started this work -- He started the college, I didn't -- He has promised He will not drop the work HE has begun -- He promises to supply our every need, to deliver us from every trial and difficulty, to never leave us nor forsake us. I know I am human and full of faults, and I make mistakes. But God knows that, too, and says He knows we are dust, and does not deal with us after our iniquities, but according to His great mercy. He says that even FOOLS who get into trouble thru their own fault may cry out to Him in their trouble and He will be merciful and deliver them; He says that when we come to our wit's end, if we call on Him He hears us and delivers us out of it. Surely in SOME way God will hear and save this work of His now!
I have had to carry a crushing load. It seems every bad "break" that could happen has plagued us. I am not ill or sick -- have not been in 25 years, but the terrible ordeal I have had to live thru has brought me close to a nervous break-down. I got away for a 28-day fast to fight thru and bring myself back to fit condition. Now I can see that I was really just "out" on my feet, in no condition to carry this great work. I am now immeasurably improved, but still fighting, thru careful diet, systematic exercise, rigid observance of health rules, to get myself back into 100% efficient tip-top clear-minded fit condition. I was so nearly "knocked out" I just could not see then, but can now, I was not FIT for my work -- not fit for broadcasts, or for writing. But I am so MUCH improved, and gaining all the time. I have the PLAIN TRUTH written and ready for press -- BUT NO MONEY so I am helpless. I believe these articles are the most interesting I ever wrote. I got back on XEG daily, but NO MONEY to pay for recordings, so I could not send broadcasts. I managed to get three GOOD broadcasts recorded but now we are again thrown OFF THE AIR and these broad- casts will not go on!
Just $2,000 or $3,000 right now would save the work, get it GOING, full power ahead. I am bewildered. I just can't under- stand. I have been praying my heart out -- BEGGING God to show me, if I am at fault, where, so He can send deliverance quickly. Always God has heard and answered my prayers. MIRACULOUS answers hundreds of times. And I have been closer to Him recently than ever before in my life -- yet now, for the while at least, it seems that although He always saw the tears of His prophets of old, He won't see mine now. I DON'T UNDERSTAND! I feel heart-broken. We can't keep the work alive another week, without a few thousand dollars help. We are SO NEAR out of all our difficulties, it seems impossible we should fail now. The answer is in God's hands, but WE must do OUR part. As a last resort, I am sending this letter just to you FEW co-workers who have been more faithful than most. You already have invested in this precious work quite a little money. I just felt it is not right to let the work fail and stop without letting you know and giving you the chance, if you can and will, to SAVE IT by now quickly putting in enough more to tide it past this present plight. I would give my life for this work -- I have given my life TO it, and to God. Perhaps God wants to use YOU -- one or several of you dear co-workers -- to preserve it now, as He has promised. PLEASE PRAY, with all your heart, and IN FAITH, as you never did before, and forgive me for troubling you with this -- I just don't know what else to do.
With love, in Jesus' name,
Herbert W. Armstrong